Behind the Scenes at ActiveRain

No, in fact, life is a lot like driving.

This morning, while crossing the 520, a Land Rover decided to see just how close they could possibly get to my bumper without hitting me while going 60mph.  This isn't unusual in Seattle, because for all of the "After you", "No, after you!" drivers we have here, there are one or two of us transplants who know how the rest of the world drives, and every now and again, our impatience rears its ugly head.  Regardless, eyeing the guy in my rearview for a good half mile as we crossed a the two-lane bridge, I made a bad judgment call:

I stomped on my brakes.

The highway patrol warns against moves like this because there's always the chance that the idiot behind you won't be able to stop or slow down before hitting you.  They especially warn against quick-stopping on a rainy day after a long dry spell, and rainy, indeed, it as this morning after a multi-month drought. 

Lucky for me, the guy also stomped on his brakes, shifted the car, and zipped into the other lane before promptly getting stuck behind a commuter van for the duration of the trip to the junction of 405.  He didn't get where he was going any faster by being a jerk, and even though I made a bad judgment call, the vengeful side of me hopes that the shot of adrenaline I gave him this morning opened his eyes a bit.

Aside...  This caused some introspection for me, because it illustrates well the tendency for people to get pushy when life is frustrating or claustrophobic.  Humans tend toward becoming more aggressive when the chips are down in such a way that actually binds their hands from accomplishing what they want most.

This was a good lesson this morning to think about for me, especially, because I have a handful of large projects weighing down in my inbox that I haven't really had a lot of time to pay true service to, and because my first instinct in dealing with them is to turn on my redheaded "charm" and push them through with the various other people that I have to work with to accomplish this.  But, as evidenced by my friend, the Land Rover, this morning...  Being pushy gets you nowhere fast.

My Mimi used to tell me, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, Red", and it's something that I, myself, try to live by.  My grandmother was full of great advice as you can tell from this and previous posts, and were she with us now and I was telling her about how my stress is manifesting itself this week -- heartburn, dizziness, short temper, even a few tears -- she'd do three things:

First, she'd ask if I was pregnant.  No.

Then, she'd ask if I was REALLY pregnant.  Also no.

Finally, she'd tell me to take a breath and bring my G-D patience to work (I love my Mimi).  Well, and then she'd tell me to stop being such a jerk while driving.  Okay, so four things.

But I digress...

The lesson today, Gentle Readers, is even when the world is weighing you down, even when it seems like you're unable to get anywhere fast, for heaven's sake, don't be pushy -- you'll only succeed in frustrating yourself and nearly causing an accident when someone puts the brakes on.

Growing up, I was the eight-week child at my father's house, since he lived on the other side of the state.  Although my total time there during my childhood amounted to little over two years of my life, there are a few things that stick out to me to this day: the smell of fresh popped popcorn (my stepmom and I used to have movie nights, just the two of us), the bare patch in the yard where I lost a lot of skin sliding into home base, and a prayer plaque that hung on the wall of the downstairs bathroom for years.

Although I am not a religious person, I can still recite the Serenity Prayer verbatim, after having read it so many times:

Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Now, before you all start thinking that this is a post about religion, let me explain why this prayer is the subject of my post today...

I'm a control freak.  There, I said it!  Whew, I feel better now.  (*Fans self with hand.*)  I'm sure this is nothing that you don't already know about me, but I'm not very good at accepting the things I can't change; like a lot of people I know and love, I batter against the brick wall, thinking that if I give it just one more shove, it'll topple over.

Unfortunately, one of the facts of life is that you can't control everything, as many of us already know.  The industry's swinging (and I don't mean hopping), many of us are worried about our livelihoods, and we feel as though our alternatives are few and our stores are depleted.

Grant yourself some serenity:

Although I know, firsthand, the upside to having backups to my backups, the worry that things will constantly fail and the consistent planning of contingencies is exhausting.  Understand that we cannot plan for everything, that surprises are going to happen, and the best you can do is take the punch, roll with it, and stand back up.  Life, in many ways, is like the economy: it has its ups and downs, and it will correct itself if you work hard and push to recover.  Take a breath and realize that although it may not be in your immediate control, there are some things that yet still are; do not spend energy on worrying about those things that will only weigh you down.

Rely on your courage:

I often forget to do this, hiding behind stability and the promise of a sure bet.  Courage is, truly at its base, trust.  Do you trust yourself?  Do you trust that you can square your shoulders and push for it?  Do you trust your advantages, your knowledge, and your gut?  That's courage, folks; even when the situation looks dire, if you can swallow the terror that's swimming in your throat and reach for that goal, for that better life, for that next sale, you'll make it.  You can change your own world if you focus and trust yourself to make good decisions.

Use a little wisdom:

I'm pretty intelligent, but that does not mean that I'm wise.  Let's face it: there's some things we cannot do without a little help, advice, or a push from our support network.  Talk to people, reach out, look for alternative solutions.  Knowing the difference between what you can handle yourself and when you need to ask for help can mean survival in dire situations.  Knowing yourself and your limitations is the best, most solid way to overcome what ails you while under your stresses and burdens.  Put out the SOS when the water level is too high and, as my gramma would say, help will appear.

It's interesting to think that trips to the ladies' room at my dad's house while growing up would stir such an emotional response in me twenty years later as I'm staring at this screen and drinking a double short.  I came across it in a random internet search for quotes about Courage, and immediately, I considered how much of a control freak I was, how much I worry about needless things, and how little I trust my gut in the day-to-day.  Perhaps with a little reflection now and again, we'll all be granted the serenity, courage, and wisdom needed to know how and when to make the decisions that impact our lives.